As you probably know, big newspapers and wire services usually write the obituaries of famous people in advance of their deaths. So when someone prominent bites the dust, the pre-written story of his or her life is pulled from the ‘freezer file‘; and defrosted by adding who announced the death, where and when it happened and, usually but not always, the cause.
As you probably don’t know, there is also an organization called The Society of Professional Obituary Writers that bestows annual achievement awards on its members Among recent winners was “’Tatooed King Of The Runway’ Was A Tough Act To Follow.” by Tom Hawthorne of the Toronto Globe & Mail; and “Claude Miller,104, Sawmill Master And Proud Moonshiner “ by Holly Crenshaw of the Atlanta Journal Constitution. There have even been a few books written on the skills and creativity of what is called The Dead Beat. But unlike the movie Oscars, the television Emmys, and the music Grammies, the obit awards have no nickname; and one’s imagination bursts into flame at the opportunity to create one:
The Reapers?
The Peters (as in Saint)?
The Pearlies (as in Gates)?
The Hannibals? Well, no.
Perhaps there should be a naming contest and an annual gala. (It would of course be black tie.) First prize could be, say, the honor of writing an obit for The New York Times which not infrequently carries one on its front page. Come to think of it, The National Association of Funeral Directors could sponsor the whole celebratory shebang. Maybe even a cable channel like Discovery or The History Channel could …
But I drift and digress .. and I haven’t even begun. Please forgive me.
Since I was present at the birth of the Public Broadcasting System, and will probably be present at its death in the near future, I’ve decided to write an obit for the freezer file. You, my readers, should feel free to defrost it at the appropriate time:
Washington, D.C. (date) The Public Broadcasting Service, commonly known as PBS, died yesterday after a long struggle with cancer of the unimaginative and the irrelevant. The death was announced by a spokesman for the United States Congress which voted to take PBS off its life support systems, otherwise known as tax dollars.
“We finally gave up hope.“ said the spokesman who asked not to be identified because of his close affiliation with several well-known lobbyists. “So the decision to terminate, while heartbreaking, was inevitable and nearly unanimous.” (Only Representative Michelle Backmann of Wisconsin abstained for reasons unclear to her staff but consistent with her voting history.)
PBS was born on October 5, 1970 to The Carnegie Foundation of Pittsburgh (father) and the Ford Foundation of New York (mother). It was baptized the following year in Washington D.C ; with The Corporation for Public Broadcasting acting as both godfather and wet nurse, a new gender concept in federal bureaucracy.
Taking up the cause of ex-FCC Chairman Newton Minow who accused commercial television of being a ‘vast wasteland’, PBS was to provide alternative programming to the American public. The nation’s options at that time were limited to three program sources: CBS, NBC and ABC. And although a sprinkling of educational stations -- many operated by universities -- was scattered here and there, they had little or no impact on the American consciousness. Thus, at birth, PBS was hailed as the messiah to bind those stations together in pursuit of enlightenment and the higher good.
Observers agree that in its infancy, PBS showed great promise; buoyed by two of its initial offerings, Sesame Street and Masterpiece Theatre. As it grew, it also offered highly-praised programs like Nova, Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, Electric Company, Great Performances and the McNeil Lehrer News Hour. But as it passed through adolescence into adulthood, some critics began to suggest that certain genetic defects -- overlooked at birth -- were beginning to show.
They pointed out that PBS was not, after all, a true network. It did not own stations, did not produce its own programming, and did not control the broadcast times of its member stations. Thus, with few exceptions, it was unable to build audiences on a national level; making it more akin to a conventional program distributor, but with government paying for its extensive technical and administrative bureaucracies..
In addition, during the period of its maximum success and visibility, it failed to diversify its programming into two major areas: comedy and sports. It did, however, import a number of moronic British comedies ranging from the rarely funny ‘Have You Been Served?’ to the music hall trash of ’The Benny Hill Show’; presumably on the theory that excreta with an English accent smells and sells better.
Sports was also denigrated by the system. Its attitude was embodied by John Jay Iselin -- the preppy, bow-tied president of WNET (New York) -- who claimed that his station’s coverage of lawn tennis and of Ivy League football was quite enough sports, thank you. When asked who cared about Ivy League football, he said: ‘Our audience cares.’ Hence, in three words he defined the birth defects that plagued the system throughout its life: elitism and a smug sense of superiority.
In the final stage of its illness, those characteristics perhaps more than any, led PBS to overlook (or underestimate) the changes accelerating all around it. Hybrid competitors had entered the arena; obviously aligned against the commercial networks, but also -- by default -- against public television. HBO, Showtime, TNT, Nickelodeon, Discovery, The History Channel, A&E and others began offering high-quality programming that ignored political and semantic propriety (Difficult language and explicit sex were never allowed on PBS, no matter how artistically presented.) and began to draw major audience segments away the traditional channels, including public television channels. The result was an amoeba-like splitting of the broadcast media into hundreds of new parts.
During its last few years, PBS did try to rally by announcing several initiatives in search of a new ‘business model’; including a satellite channel in Great Britain and a policy of broadcasting ‘institutional’ commercials at fifteen minute intervals in the United States. Unfortunately, a new ‘programming model’ was never considered as a treatment for its increasingly dire condition.
The Corporation for Public Broadcasting has asked that in lieu of flowers. contributions be sent to local public stations in the hope of shortening their interminable pledge weeks. No date has been set for a memorial service.
It is believed that PBS died comfortably surrounded by its family of apologists.
AFTER DINNER MINTS
Given the ratings of leading cable channels, many of PBS’ most popular programs could easily be transferred to commercial television. TNT or A&E would welcome the audience that the best of Masterpiece commands; The Discovery Channel would be happy with Nova; CNN -- which is slowly leaking audience -- would benefit from The News Hour; Nickelodeon would probably welcome the world of Sesame Street; etc. And each of those would be strengthened by the ability of its carrier to advertise and promote nationally across all media. Just an idea, but ….
My opinion is that PBS was doomed from the moment its first president., Hartford Gunn, decided to headquarter it in Washington, D.C. where it would be subject to the political pressures that its parent -- The Corporation for Public Broadcasting -- was supposed to protect it from. The long term result of trying not to offend anyone in power, particularly those of a conservative bent, was to lose the battle for survival.
After further research, I’ve learned that The Society of Professional Obituary Writers does indeed have a name for its awards. They are called ‘The Grimmies’. Yuck!
Ugh!
Thanks for reading these opinions. Next month’s post will be titled HOW TO CREATE A CEMETERY .. KEY WEST STYLE. Please share any and all my blog posts with friends and acquaintances. The link is http://keywestwind.blogspot.com. Or you can Google keywestwind and click on the header. Again, my thanks.
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